Some Fanfics for you all!
We apologize in advance for the stories you’re about to read. If you heard our last Podcast episode, you know we challenged ourselves (mentally) to come up with the worst of the worst Fanfiction. We present you each story for your reading pleasure, if you couldn’t stomach the episode itself. Enjoy a cup of eggnog by the fire while you give yourself a reason to question your life choices. Enjoy!
Becky’s Story: jingled down the hall ch. 1
Ok hello and merry christmas my name is ahnor shortzeager and i would like to tell you about how i saved christmas for my son annykin skywilder aka anny plz like and sub for more storytime ok????
You see i used to be an exec of a high lvl firm dat had lots of ppl and lots of space so i would work many hrs on end bc to be high lvl u have to grind many lvls and defeet many boss’s so i did dat for many yrs to help my wife and my son anny. but bc i work many hrs grindin i did not spend many times wit my sun witch happened alot at christmas bc we were very very busy n we had lots n lots of $$$ to make. 1 yr, anny my sun wanted dis toy day was very hard to find in stores, u kno kids. My wife told me many x’s to make sure i went to get dis toy, either it was beanie baby or furbie i cant remember, i hear those were popular. Well unfortunately i was grinding really hard win i saw the time at work and was like “OH NO CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST TIME I FORGOT TONGET ANNY A TOY” so the next day i told my wife id be home in time for something family i dont remember n she said “u better or ur sun will not luv u” and i was like “oh no ok”. I went to walmart and SURPRISE NO XBOX CONSOLE but i could wait n line n see if i could be next to get one. Thats when i meet shakeel o neal, former la laker and big fan of ramen noodles. So kawai. We waited in line 2gether bc he forgot he had a sun bc he is nba star so he was trying to find new toy as well, but SURPRISE STILL NO TOY. but there is guy there named bob who is like “btw i have sum free toys u can give ur suns so they luv u.” so me n shak go to this guys house name pippy who says he has newest pokemon cards for sell. Well turns out IT WASNT IT WAS YUGIOH CARDS so me n shak really lies that we were LIED TO. OH MY GOD. so i go to get sometink to drink n tell my wife i messed up but she gets mad n tells me “IF U DONT HAVE TOY WE GETTTING DEVORCED n ur never going to see anny again” so im like “wait no” n decide to try n win the ironman doll. Well guess who is also trying to win the batman doll SURPRISE SHAKEEL O NEAL he is also at the radio station talking to ppl like “hey i am shak i need toy me famous” and their like “no” and he says “yes” and i say “wait no i need it” and he says “but my sun is more famous” and i say “no my wife will devorce me bc i try to lvl 2 hard” and he says “oh ok NO SLAM” and we fight. but it turns out some1 robbed me of my car so i had to walk home but i am hard lvl grinder so i can get an oober n go home but it turns out it was SHAK WHO ROBBED ME bc when i see him hes says “NO U CANT GET TOY BEFORE ME” n im like “NO SHAK” but then i listened to my fav christmas song lil drummer boi so i cud get back into christmas spirit to save my suns toy
So then i try to go home but then suddenly i see my neighbor bob trying to put my decorations up HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE BOB i yell and he says “your sun needs a dad and i like ur wife so ill be his daddy ok” and im like “NO BOB I AM HIS FATHER” so wefight but i leave bc i still need to get nintendo wii so every yr theres this big parade in my hometown and turns out XBOX man is there so i go there trying to steal christmas gifts bc i love me sun anny and dont want him to turn into bad guy. Well SURPRISE SHAK IS THERE TOO and we get into bbox tournament but s i win but shaks sun is like no dad dont go to jail so i give his sun latest new toy and tell me sun i love him and we end up having joyful christmas. btw i dress up as spidermen n i try to steal the toy for my sun but it turns out that isnt right at christmas bc christmas is about giving and not taking which is illeagal n some states also i forgot forgot my wife a gift and she did devorce me a few yrs later but if it wasnt for me trying to get elmo my sun would have become evil overlord of the whole realm. He lerned to lvl up good as well. What i learned is that no matter what make sure u do ur christmas shopping early bc you may not b able to buy gifts in time for christmas and that is bad if ur wife gets mad at u Ok the end merry christmas.
Moreland’s story: Untitled?
Once again we are here with harry and Dumbledore to save Christmas. This is a story of mystery, of intriguing and of mystery. DUMBLEDORE came to hurry one day and asked. Hurry why is this Santa Clawson guy messaging me on my wand. Hairy took dumbledoors wand and looked at it. Dumbledoor Hairy shouted we must save the day of christmas. Dumbledure and Heiry get into the Westleys flying car and head for the south pole. Dumbledore looks Harry in his majestic eyes while drive and says we should stop doing things like this alone it seems like more of a group activities. Hermini and Ron Westley pop out from under Hairy invisible cloak scaring dumbledoor Aaaahhh him screams. We've been here all along Professor!!!! Also you need to be going to the north pole not the south pole Says Hermini Ron agrees because he is tapping that and he wants to keep it that way. Why did you steal my dads car? Can't you like teleport places and don't we have like random boots in the forest to bamf us places? Asks Ron Hairy pipes up and say it was my idea. And its cold outside we need the heat that's in the car. Oh says Ron?! After a few hours of flying the crew arrives at the North pole. Tim Allen is there as Santana Clause. He waves to all of the wizards and gives dumbledoors the finger. You can teleport jackass. He points to Snape who is already they're covered in snow with the badguys already defeated. I'm sorry we couldn't. Be here sooner Tim Allen as Santana Clawson. And thats is the story of Ron Westley Hermini Hairy and Dumbledores adventure to save Christmas
Chris’s story: Harry Frogger and the Pamphlet of Fire
Harry Frogger and the Pamphlet of fire.
Harry Frogger was a small, mucus covered frog whose parents had been killed in a terrible cajun cook-off related incident.
He had been sent to live with his aunt and uncle, the awful Virile and Pinocchioetta. They were terrible people, because
they werent people at all. they were amphibians. And the worst kind. Salamanders. Slimy, sticky salamanders. One day, whilst
Harry was out by the lake enjoying a snack of some of the local dragonflies, he was approached by a wise old SCREECHING BARN
OWL!
"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH" said the owl. "HARRY, YOURE A WIZARD BECAUSE YOU HAVE MIDI-CHLORIANS IN YOUR BLOOD!" Harry was, of
course, taken aback. "im not a wizard, Im a frog." "YOURE A WIZARD HARRY! AND YOU MUST TAKE THE PAMPHLET OF FIRE AND DESTROY
IT IN MOUNT MORDOR! IT IS WHERE THE PRINTING PRESS THAT CREATED THE PAMPHLET WAS CREATED, SO, FOR SOME STUPID REASON,
ITS THE ONLY PLACE THE PAMPHLET CAN BE DESTROYED!" and with that he thrust the pamphlet of fire at Harry, who was sat
there dumbfounded.
"I cant go to Mount Mordor" continued Harry. "Im just a young frog-boy, and the mountain is at least 12 hours worth of
boring ass movies away!" "SCREEEEEEEEEECH" rebutted Mr owl. "IF YOU DONT I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!"
Harry was paralyzed with fear.
"YOU WILL BE PROVIDED ASSISTANCE ALONG THE WAY, SO THAT THE TASK WILL BE COMPLETED"
"okay Mr Owl, if you insist, i will accomplish this for all the people of Panem"
As Harry watched Mr owl fly away, he couldnt help but wonder if what the crazy loud old bird had said was correct. Am I a
wizard? Do I have magical powers?
He did. His real name was Yoda and he was a badass little swamp monster.Merry Christmas. The End.
Bobby’s story: TBA ALSO NSFW
Bobby was the only person to not send me his story in the first place, so it will be added later. It’s seductive.